


New kind of pain

by MerlinDK99



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, F/M, Heavy Angst, Steven Universe (Cartoon) Spoilers, close to death experience, i dont see it as gore but maybe someone will, the bubble broke in the explosion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2020-10-26 23:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerlinDK99/pseuds/MerlinDK99
Summary: What if Stevens bubble broke in the explosion?*Movie spoilers is in this*





	1. Feel like dying

Steven blinks as he slowly Begins to wake up, he can barely hear what sounds like pieces of metal falling down around him, making clunking sounds as they hit the ground.

His laying on his back agains what feels like a slop of dirt.

A grey and pinkish dust cloud from what looked like a explosion is slowly disappearing and the dark night sky begins to break through.

What happened?, Steven frowns in confusion his memories are rusty.

He slowly lifts his head, his vision is super blurry, he must have got something in his eyes, but as he begins to lift his arm to wipe them,  
his mind begins to work again and the memories comes crashing back to him, he grips at his head instead as he gets a headache from the rushing memories, remembering the injector exploding, the fight with Spinel, and rest of the poison getting injected into the earths crust and much more.

He closes his eyes trying to get a hold of himself, and the memory he was mostly looking for came.

Remembering how he was trying to save himself and Spinel from the explosion with his bubble.

Shit.

He opens his eyes.

It broke, the shockwave from the explosion broke his bubble and sent both of them flying in different directions.

He begins to slightly panic, what if Spinel got hurt, what if something from the injector landed on her.

He tried to push himself up with his arms..

But something stopped him as he tried to stand, and it forced him to lay back down.

Steven raises his eyebrows in surprise, his vision was still very blurry so he had a hard time seeing what stopped his desperate attempt to find the other Gem.

He could only see colors of darkish grey and dark magenta filling his vision.

Had a piece of the injector landed on him?

He moved his legs around clearly not feeling anything pressing down on them.

He lifts his hand and begins to feel around too see what could had stopped him for trying to stand up.

First he felt the ground around him, nothing, but some of the dirt close to him was...kinda wet.

Thats weird.

His eyes widened in more confusion as he follows the wetness up past his jeans to his tshirt, he noted that his jacket was a little dammed too.

But his tshirt, his tshirt was fully soaked.

His hand briefly expects his gemstone, feeling for any possible cracks, but not finding anything of that sort he then kept going up.

Then one of his fingers made contact with something solid, and wet....and warm.

He sucks in a sharp breath of air as his reaction.

“What-?!”

His voice cracked at the end.

He takes another sharp breath but this time a little faster.

Realization slowly dawns on him as he begins to feel more on the solid object, he try’s shaking the thing but it didn’t move at all.

Then he feels himself stop breathing. 

He finally thinks about getting his vision back so he panickly wipes his eyes with his other arm, and he can see better.

And the first thing he sees is a long magenta red colored crystal right in front of him, it’s definitely from the big gem that had been on top of Spinels injector before it shattered in the explosion, it looked darker than its original color Steven briefly thought, but he throws the thought away as he rememberers whats actually is happening again, he takes a deep breath as he collect his courage.

And then he looks down.......

The first thing he does is letting out a startled scream that then echoes around him.

Then he begins to hyperventilate through his nose as he lays eyes on his chest...or what he can see of it, the piece of crystal had completely pierced through it.

The shard itself was thine but long, it had pierced all the way from just above his gem too right under where his lungs should be located, it was covered in his blood thats why he thought it had been darker than normal, and thats why his tshirt, pants and the ground around him was wet....they where soaked in his blood.

His shoulders jerked as he accidentally moved a little resulting in him feeling his insides move in a wrong way.

His instincts wants him to throw up but somehow he can’t do it.

But he can’t feel anything

He was in shock thats why he can’t feel anything, a short flashback of his gem getting ripped out crosses his mind unexpectedly.

The pain he had felt when it had been pulled out had been the worst pain he had ever experienced at the time.

But it would be nothing compared to this, but of course he doesn’t know that yet, his still in shock he doesn’t know how much pain his body is truly experiencing right now because its in this shocked state.

He doesn’t want to know.

Tears begin to run down his face his vision begins to get blurry again, his shoulders are shaking.

His scared.

Everything feels wrong.

He can’t stop himself as he begins to hyperventilate even more, switching between breathing fast in through his mouth or nose loudly.

Where is everyone?.

He shallows as he turns his head.

“G-Gar-net?!

“Am-amethy-st?!

He try’s to calm down by taking a deep breath slowly, as he frantically whispers their names.

“P-p-p-Pearl? 

C-connie?...

A shaky sob escapes him unexpectedly.

“D-d-dad?!..”

He can’t stop shaking, another loud sob escapes from him.

Then he feels his body slowly going limp against the slop.

His mind goes blank for what feels like hours as he lays there, not even remembering his name for almost a minute, then he gives a quick flinch as a soft prickly feeling beginning to dance across his skin around the area close to the wound, letting the young boy know that his body is already getting out of its shocked state.

He begins to shake his head from side to side as he looks up at the sky.

“nonoNoononoNONONONONONO!”

His repeating voice gets louder as he begins to panic more and more.

He begins to grip at the shard to steady himself better, but it doesn’t work for long.

A loud gasp escapes him as the soft feeling slowly turns into immense pain, making the boys body bent in on itself at the feeling.

His brain finally realizing what had happened to the body.

Letting go of the shard he instead lays his forehead on it, ignoring the blood that gets smooshed across it.

His hold body then spasms for a second making him let out a painful scream.

His throat hurts.

His so scared.

“S-steven?”

Steven turns his head slightly,  
the pain fades for a moment, he can see a little clearer now, the boy trying desperately to focus on the voice instead of the pain.

“S-spi-Spinel?”

And there only a few meters from him stood Spinel looking like someone that clearly didn’t know what she had stumbled across, her eyes trying to hold eye contact with the him but she clearly couldn’t stop looking down at his chest every other second, she looked confused and panicked.

Steven lifts his head gripping ahold of the crystal again, then giving her a weak smile.

“s-Spinel y-your o-o-ookay!”

Spinel’s face shots up into a surprise one, but it quickly turned to a concerned one as she slowly walk over to him.

“I was scared yo-*!*”

A raspy cough interrupts his words, and his version gets blurry once again from a new stream of tears, the pain comes crashing back from each cough, he can’t stop it, it hurts so bad, but he just can’t stop coughing.

He feels something making its way up his throat, his tastebuds then explodes from the strong taste of metal that follows, he feels something slipping out from between his lips, he wipes at it with his free arm as it begins to run down his chin.

He looks to see his pink jackets sleeve is now covered in blood.

He lays his head on the crystal again, as he makes some desperate gasping sounds, he can’t think straight his mind goes blank.

“Steven?.....”

He turns to look at Spinel thats now sitting on her knees beside him, he can’t see her expression anymore because of the tears in his eyes.

She opens her mouth to speak.

But then she slowly stops herself as he looks in her direction, she clearly didn’t wanna say what she was gonna say.

He slowly wipes his eyes again with the arm that wasn’t covered in blood.

Spinel is starring at the piece of crystal now, the silence is painful for him both mentally and physically.

Steven leans his head back against the dirt slop instead, he looks up at the now slowly disappearing stars as the sun begins to rise.

He still can’t think straight, but he knows he should be trying to do something right now, but he can’t hold his focus long enough to remember what he should be doing, he could only hold on to different memories right now.

A new wave of immense pain makes him gasp out loud again, he can see Spinels head turn from the corner of his vision but thats all he can see.

His mind begins to wander after a few more seconds.

He had planned so much stuff to do with his friends and family now that he finally had the time.

Another wave of pain makes him bent in on himself again resulting in even more pain.

Then Spinel had appeared, then the hold helping everyone remember who they are thing followed.

He collapses against the slop again with a loud gasp.

Then the fight with Spinel in the end, then she broke down crying.

“Im sorry..”

He opens his eyes that he hadn’t realized he had closed, his vision is not as blurry now, he looks over to the gem beside him, shes looking at him with a guilty and confused expression from his words.

“on top of the injector, before it exploded”

He stops, closes his eyes for a second to take a shaky breath, the pain has gone a little numb now.

“I was gonna say...” he locks eyes with her his voice more clearer now “Spinel I’m so sorry for how I treated you after you disabled the injector, i-i-i sounded like I didn’t care about what happened to you”

He slowly begins too feel tired.

“It sounded like I only cared about my friends and my planet, i was just..so tired and i wanted everything back to normal as fast as possible”

Another shaky breath.

“But” he gives her a weak smile “th-thats no excuse for how i made you feel” the tears begins to fall faster.

“im so sorry..” he finish with a shaky breath.

Spinel has tears in her eyes now.

“Steven i-“

But she doesn’t get too finish.

“LION!!”

Not a second after the yell Lion jumps down from another slop not far away from Steven and Spinel, his sniffing the ground frantically and desperately clearly looking for something or someone.

“Lion?” Stevens voice was just a whisper now, but Lions ears still moves towards his direction at the sound of his voice.

And when his eyes meets with Lions, he looks on as the animal he had know for so long as one than never looked like it cared for anything around it flattened its ears down against its head as its expression changed to something of a panicked one.

Lion begins to run towards them.

Lions forehead meets Stevens neck as the animal nuzzles the boys right side desperately.

“Sssh buddy its okay” He try’s to hug his pink friend as much as the crystal in his chest would allowed him.

“Im happy to see y-!!” He lets out a loud gasp as he accidentally moved to much resulting in a shock of pain to go through his hold body again, and he collapses against Lion burying his face in the animal’s big mane as he begins to shake uncontrollably gripping at it with his closes hand, as he begins to take short fast breaths.

Not seeing Spinel flinching away from him when he made the painful sound.

Lion begins to make whining sounds loudly.

It almost blocks out the sound of a new par of footsteps coming towards them from the same direction where Lion had came from.

“Lion i know you wanna find him as much as me but please next time don’t leave me be.......hind”

Steven slightly looks up from where his face is buried in Lions mane but Lion is blocking his view of what he knows is Connie, but he can see that Spinel can see her and Connie definitely could see Spinel.

A few seconds of silence goes by as Spinel and Connie just stares at each other none of them knowing what to say, then another wave of pain makes Steven gasp loudly his legs spasms for a second before laying still again.

Spinel snaps her head towards him at the sound, she lifts a hand towards him but stops and retreats it quickly again, she clearly didn’t know what to do.

“Steven!” Connie’s face comes into view beside Lion with a face full of concern, “Steven are you okay what happ-“

She had moved some of Lions now bloody mane out of the way so she could have a better to look at his face for any injuries because of all the blood she probably could see on it, but she stops in her tracks as her eyes widen in confusion as she slightly glances at the big crystal shard right beside her head then slowly begins to follow it with her eyes downwards.

A scream of pure horror erupts around them loudly, Steven closes his eyes from the sudden sound with a flinch.

It takes a second and a lot of energy on his part to open them again.

And when he does, he sees Connie with both her hands now covering her mouth and tears running down her face now too as she is starring at his chest, and Spinel was looking at Connie with wide eyes from the sudden scream.

Connie’s reaction wakes something up in him, and he can finally focus.

“Connie I-i need the gems”

Stevens weak voice breaks Connie out of her trance like state, she looks him in the eyes with a scared expression,  
“S-steven i-i can’t leave you like this!”

“I’ll get them!” Both of them looks over as Spinel jumps up from her sitting position, Steven can feel as Connie takes his left hand in her own ones giving it a light squeeze while still looking at Spinel with a little relief in her still horrified expression.

“Thank you so much” Connie words makes Spinel look away before she begins to run back the way Connie had come from and jumps out of the crater in one leap.

After what felt like a hold minute that probably was just a few seconds Steven takes a deep breath trying not to think about the pain or the hole in him, but its not that easy to do, he lays his free arm over the highest part of his chest that hasn’t been pierced as a cold shiver goes down his back, his just now feeling the effects of the massive blood-loss that his body is experiencing.

How much long can his body take this, Is he even going to make it?

What if he doesn’t make it and he doesn’t even get to see the gems or his dad one more time....if he...will he even get to say goodbye to his family and the people he loves.

He shakes his head quickly and uncontrollably as the bad thought goes through his mind.

“Steven” he opens his eyes as he feels a hand on both sides of his face and he looks up at a still crying Connie now with more fresh tears in her eyes and a slight panic in them too.

“Steven please stop moving you have to save your energy..”

He slightly leans into her touch as he closes his eyes again.

“S-s-sorry...”

The feeling of Lion gently nuzzling his side makes the boy relax a little, he raises his right hand to give the big cat a weak head scratch.

“Steven please i said don’t move” Connies voice came in a slight irritated but still panicked whisper, shes looking at Lion now, her face clearly showing shes beginning to break down.

“Connie i-“ 

She lets go of him.

“STEVEN STOP!”

He winced at her sudden loud voice.

“I just...“ she looks at him more tears going down her cheeks. 

“How can you be so stupid..”

He looked at her in surprise as she glanced at his chest again.

“n-never mind w-we-we WILL talk about this later..”

“Connie i-“ he can feel himself getting more and more weak by the seconds now, he feels like his not going to make it.

Connie doesn’t seem to have heard him as she looks back up at the edge Spinel disappeared over.

“Why is it taking so long?!”

“Connie..”

“If they don’t get here in time yo-“

“C-c-Connie....”

He slowly lifts his hand from the big cats head to her cheek making her look at him, one of her own hands comes up to lay it over his as she crawls closer to him, Steven stretched his neck as much as he could closing his eyes.

The kiss was short but full of emotions, Connie didn’t do anything to keep it longer, he moves back to look at her, she had a shocked expression then it slowly crumbles away to one of realization.

“Why....why did you-” her voice cracked at the end she lets out a frustrated sob right after.

He takes a shaky breath, he doesn’t know what to tell her, that his slowly giving up to his body’s suffering.

“...s-sorry...”

The immense pain is making his whole body go numb, as a result his hand slips from her cheek, the movement makes Lion whine in response.

“S-steven?” 

His head falls back against the slop with a thud.

“STEVEN KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN!!”

The sound of tires screeching against dirt echoes in the big crater, Steven can barely see through his eyelids as Connie’s head jerks towards the place the sound came from, and not even a few seconds later the van comes flying over the craters side before sliding the rest of the way down.

Spinel had been sitting on top of it but she jumped of when it began sliding down, and runs over to them.

“Why did it take so long?!”

Connie almost yells in a desperate tone.

Spinel looks guilty for a moment before glaring back at her, “WELL EXCUSE ME! THEY WOULDN’T STOP CHASING ME BEFORE THE OTHER HUMAN FINALLY STOPPED THEM SO I COULD FINALLY EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!!!”

Her rubbery arms stretch out in a frustrated manner at Connie.

Steven couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore his strength was almost gone, he closes them, he could only hear as a set of car doors gets slammed open and the sound of running footsteps follows, Spinels voice gets his attention.

“ehm i-is he...?”

Then he hears a short gasp and a low whine as a par of hands begins to carefully shake him in a panicked manner.

“Nononono Steven please open your eyes!”

He didn’t have the strength anymore, his head numbly rolls over as a result of the shaking.

“STEVEN OPEN YOU EYES PLEASE!!!”

He doesn’t even winced at Connies loud voice.

He can’t hear the footsteps anymore, Connie stops shaking him.

“Oh god..” Amethysts voice his whisper for him “S-steven!” Pearls his more high pitched ending in a short sob.

Garnet doesn’t say anything but he knows shes there.

He then hears as someone slowly walk to the left side of him where Spinel had been sitting before, the sound of dirt getting scraped around makes it clear for him that someone was now sitting beside him, then he feels a hand on top of his head, its shaking.

“Wh-what happened?..”

The hand slowly runs through his hair.

His dads voice sounded wobbly, clearly close to breaking down.

“Im n-not sure, i-i found him like this”

Connie’s voice was louder than Gregs voice had been.

A moment of silence.

“Spinel?” Garnets voice was stern but warm clearly wanted answer from the gem they didn’t trust, but then again if she had done something to Steven she wouldn’t have been here, and it sounded like Garnet noticed that.

“S-same... i found him like this too....” after a few seconds she continued.

“He must have fallen on it when the blast broke the bubble and sent us flying...”

Steven can feel himself fall into unconsciousness fast, and he feels himself panic he doesn’t want to.

And just on quote Lion pushes his head into Stevens side hard making the numbness turn too a new wave of pain giving the body a rush of adrenaline, giving Steven the strength he desperately needed.

He gives a loud gasp as his eyes shoots open giving him a blurry vision of everyone around him.

A hand lands on his shoulder, “Steven!” His dads voice is echoing around him or did everyone say his name at the same time? 

He doesn’t have time to care about it.

He looks up and spots a blur of purple that would definitely be Amethyst sitting beside another blurry spot on his left that would be his dad, he looks right in front of him catching something green and white Pearl, a blur of dark magenta just by her side, Spinel, and then he sees what he knows is Garnet, he tries to talk but it comes out as low mumbling instead.

“Steven easy we can’t  
understand you!”

He wipes his eyes with his arm not caring if its the one with blood on it. 

Amethyst worried face comes into his shaking vision.

His dying he can feel it and his terrified, but maybe there still hope for him.

“Ste-“

“Th-the fount-ain...”

Pearl looks up at Garnet with a heartbreaking expression from his words.

He takes a short breath, “moms fount-ain, i-i need t-t-to get to the founta-fountain...” 

“Roses what?” Gregs scared and confused voice answers him quickly, “no Steven we need to get you too a hospital”

Steven bows his head “th-there’s not e-enough ti-me to get to one” he whispers weakly the adrenaline rush is almost gone.

Pearl begins to take a step towards him.

He can feel his last desperation to fight leave him, how is he even gonna survive getting all the way over to his houses warp pad without bleeding out first.

He closes his eye his grip at the crystal loosens slightly. 

Then the sound of something cracking breaks his hopeless thoughts, and everyone gives either a horrified or startled gasp from them, Steven on the other hand gasps from the new pain thats now coming from his stomach area, he uses all his strength to slowly lower his right hand to his gemstone.

His eyes widens in shock “m-my g-g-gem, it-its-”

His mind is going hundreds of miles in seconds, just as he gave up it began to crack, but couldn’t it survive without him? He knows he can’t survive with out his gem but he didn’t realize it was the same way around for the diamond too.

He doesn’t get to think more about as Garnet lets out a frustrated growl, she makes her way over to the side of Steven where Connie is sitting “move!” she says in a stern voice before not to gently pushing Connie and Lion back so she can sit right beside him.

She grips a hand around the tip of the crystal shard before placing her other one a few centimeters from where its sticking out if his chest, shes clearly think hard about something as she doesn’t move after that, she doesn’t move a muscle at all.

“Ehm.. Garnet what ar-“ 

Before Greg can finish, Garnet flinches out of what made her stop moving before lifting her hand thats placed closes to Steven, no one is quick enough to react as she summons her gem weapon and slams it down on the bloody piece of crystal breaking it clean off.

“GARNET!!” She then flings the bloody shard away almost hitting Pearl and Spinel in the process “GARNET!!” Everyone but Steven and Spinel is yelling at her, but Garnet doesn’t stop, she then begins to place one of her arms under Stevens knees lifting his legs slightly then she places her other arm on the lower part of his back right under where the crystal is still going through him, then they lock eyes through her shades, Steven realizes what’s going on and gives her short but confidently nod before preparing himself for the incoming pain as he begins taking deep slow breaths, closing his eyes shut.

“GARNET ARE YOU CRAZY LET GO OF HIM!”

Greg lays his only healthy hand on her shoulder trying to preventing her from moving.

Steven feels himself beginning too get numb again his head falls against Garnets shoulder.

“LET GO OF ME!”

“NO, ITS TO DANGEROUS TO REMOVE HIM FROM IT THE BLEEDING WILL INCREASE MUCH FASTER AND WE ALL HAVE TOO BE SURE ABOUT ONE PLAN BEFORE DOING SOMETHING SO DANGEROUS!!”

“WE HAVE TO GET HIM TO THE FOUNTAIN ITS OUR ONLY HOPE RIGHT NOW!”

“WHAT CAN A FOUNTAIN DO FOR HIM?!”

“ITS A HEALING FOUNTAIN IT HAVE HEALED US MANY TIMES BEFORE!!”

Amethyst spoke next “yeah but we have never tried healing a wound as bad as this before, maybe we sh-“ 

“THERES NO TIME AMETHYST!”

Steven cracks one eye open to see what was happening.

Amethyst flinched away from the sound of Garnets panickly high voice.

Greg opens his mouth too shout back at her, but Steven bets him as he begins coughing uncontrollably he feels new stream of blood running all the way down his chine and neck now he locks eyes with his dad “p-please dad...” 

Amethyst slowly removes Gregs hand from Garnet when he doesn’t make a move himself.

Greg breaks their eye contact as he looks away as he gets a hopeless look on his face.

Garnets grip on him gets tighter “ready?” 

Steven lays his head on her shoulder again before giving her a short nod yet again and takes another deep breath.

Then a little too fast she begins too move him of the rest of the shard, it makes a disturbing wet sound, his dad flinches but still doesn’t look up, Stevens left hand shots up and grips at Garnets shoulder as pain shots through him making him hiss in response.

Lion gives a whine in response.

Then after what feels likes minutes his finally free and the first thing he feels is the wind blowing at his wound making his teeth clatter and his body shiver like crazy.

Garnet moves him around to get a better grip on him as Pearl comes closer and into his point of view.

“O-Okay now we just need to find the most pleasant way to transport him to the warp pad at the temp-“

Garnet turns in the direction of the temple before lowering herself a little towards the ground.

Pearl steps closer to Garnet holding both her hands up, they begin to shake as Steven locks eyes with her.

“Now Garnet lets think about it before taking any drastically choi-“

But Garnet doesn’t let her finish before running of super fast.

Steven lets out a yelp in surprise and pain.

He briefly hears a startled yell from his dad and Connie.

He closes his eyes as hard wind begins too blow hard in his face.

He can’t make out the other yells from the rest of the others behind them.

Garnet gets to the craters edge in no time, she begins to bend down on her knees.

The sound of running footsteps can be hear from behind.

And then she jumps straight up, Steven gets a short glimpse of the still standing lighthouse too his left before he begins too feel them plummeting towards the beach on the other side.

He gives a whimper of pain as the hard wind slices at the areas of the wound on his back that isn’t covered by Garnets arm.

He feel as Garnet places a kiss on the top of his head, “please hang on a little longer” her voice sounds as scared as he was.

Then the sound of glass breaking can be heard all around them, and Steven slightly opens his eyes to see that Garnet had jumped all the way from the base of the crater too through the glass roof of his diamond observation dorm.

The impact to the floor sends a shock wave through Garnets body resulting in sending another wave of pain through Stevens body as a result.

She quickly runs over to the warp pad getting ready to teleport.

The sound of two more set of footsteps follows right behind them.

“Ready?”

Steven closes his eyes his not fast enough to give her a response before she activates it, the coldness of the warp channel system is unbearable to him as he lets out another gasp he feels himself going unconscious as his body and brain finally had enough of all the torture they have been through.

He goes completely limp in Garnets arms, his arm and head falling and rolling of her shoulders to the side.

“STEVEN!”

He doesn’t hear Garnets strangled cry as his mind goes completely dark.  
—————————————————


	2. Painful heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where is he whys everything pink?
> 
> Why does his heart keep hurting?

Stevens vision is completely engulfed in different shades of pink as he slowly wakes up.

Blinking his eyebrows shouts up in confusion.

Wait what happened, where did Garnet go?.

His expression changed to a surprise one he moves to sit up, but he doesn’t get far.

“Woooaah!”

His floating, there’s nothing around him only the color pink, his flapping with his arms and legs in a slight panic.

Where is he?

His eyes frantically looks around for an answer.

How did he get here?, he had literally been dying only seconds ago.

His whole body is sore, small pricks of pain goes though his every muscle when he moves.

Wait a second, his eyes widens, as he stops flapping around, the panic fades from his mind.

He feels himself slowly descend on to a invisible and incredibly cold surface, but he doesn’t give it much thought as his mind keeps racing. 

Did he not make it?

He sits up, placing a hand on the side of his head.

His mind is somehow still blank.

No it couldn’t have happened they got to the warp pad in time..... did he not survive the warp itself, he turns his head to look around.

He slowly stands up.

Everything is just........ pink.

The sky, the background, even everything under the invisible glassy surface was pink too.

He begins to walk in one direction hoping to find something.

He feels so lost.

He can’t be dead, Steven eyes then widens in realization and he looks down at himself, there was no blood and his clothes aren’t destroyed, he lifts a hand to the edge of his shirt slowly pulling it up.

He had a white line from where the wound should have been but something was missing, he begins to panic again.

His gem was gone.

He frantically spins around looking around like he would find it laying on the ground near by.

Nothing.

Steven briefly closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, he feels his pulse go down, wait a second.

A surprised gasp leaves his lips.

He raises his right hand and grips it around his left one, placing his thumb right under where the arm and the hand connected, a second goes by then he feels it.

A pulse, he has a pulse then he should be alive...right?

He scratches his head in confusion still a little panicked.

He nervously grips at one of his shoulders, then he begins to walk again.

It still didn’t answer his questions about where he was, he looks straight up too see if there was something he had missed.

The sky had a odd shape it made it look like he was inside of a weird shaped glass dome.

He stands there looking up at it for a few seconds, then his eyes widen when he realized where he had seen the shape before.

The sky had the shape of the front of his gem with all the triangle patterns.

He takes a step back.

Was he inside his gem?

A shiver goes down his back, did....did he poof?

“No that can’t have happened” 

He looks down now he recognizes that the shape goes out into a sharp point at the bottom.

His definitely inside a pink diamond shaped gem.

“But it can’t be” he pauses.

“I can’t poof”

Just when he whispers the last part another chill goes down his back, he reacts by hugging himself his whole body is shivering now.

“I can’t poof” “I can’t poof”

He let out a startled gasp, as what sounded like a thousand whispers begins to echo his words back at him.

What was happening.

“What was happening” “happening” “was happening”   
“happening”

They are whispering his thoughts too.

“His thoughts” “there’s”   
“our thoughts “

It got louder this time, he closes his eyes, his hands shouts up to his ears trying to blocked out the whispers as more and more of them begins to join in.

His so confused if his really somehow inside his gem why is there voices?

“Why” “why his” “why” “why not”

He can still hear them they are so loud that they are giving him a headache, his getting frustrated.

“Because it MY gem!” he yells back at them.

“My gem” “only my gem” “his gem” “not his gem”  
“Not only his” “not his” 

They begins to morph into his voice and then into one of a woman’s voice. 

“her gem” “our gem” 

He opens his eyes in shock.

“My gem”

Then he almost falls over as a strong gust of wind collides with him, he takes his hands of his ears to help himself keep his balance.

He takes a couple shaky breaths as he slowly finds his balance again, the wind stops blowing.

That voice.

He stands still not moving a muscle, please don’t say that.

He sees something move at the corner of his vision and he slowly turns his head.

His mind goes blank and all the voices is gone in a instant.

There only a few feet away from him at copy of the same mirror as in her hidden room in her chamber back on homeworld sits pink humming as she brushes her big fluffy hair with a relaxed smile on her face as she looks at herself in the mirror.

Steven just stares at her for a full minute.

That can’t be real, he slowly steps closer to her his feet echoes, she doesn’t seem to have heard him.

He takes a deep shaky breath.

He can now see her face in the mirror more clearly, it really is her.

His mom.

She looks down and their eyes meets she lets out a surprised gasp as she jumps out of her seat and spins around now looking at him and not his reflection, Steven quickly backs away making a great distance between them.

There was a long and painful silence between them.

Stevens shocked expression then turns into a glare, “no” he takes more steps back, this can’t be happening.

She takes a unsure step towards him slowly “Steven..”

“NO!” he yells as he grips at his hair beginning to pull at it.

She stops, her face shows worry towards him.

“Y-y-your d-dead, you can’t be here!”

Just seeing her begins to break him.

He can feel tears stream down his face now he looks down at the ground, his eyes widen his body begins to bent in on itself.

He begins to breakdown.

Ha begins to take short sharp breaths.

She has been dead for years and he had been dying before getting here.

“A-am-am i, am i dead?”

He hears her come closer.

“no no no your not dead swee-“

“THEN WHY AM I HERE, WHY CAN I SEE A-A-AND HEAR YOU!” he yells frustrated.

His scared, he can feel his heart hammer itself painfully against his ribs.

He looks up at her again tears making his vision blurry.

She slowly comes closer, shes just a big pink blurry dot for him now.

She really is in front of him, his legs are getting weaker and they give out under him and he falls to the ground with a broken sob.

He begins to hyperventilate and sobbing at the same time, he lays all his weight on his arms his hands pressing against the surface.

But he can breath just fine, he then realizes that no air is coming in or out of his lungs.

The sound of footsteps coming closer makes him flinch in on himself more.

Shes right in front of him now, his hands shouts up and he presses them against both sides of his head, he still can’t stop shaking, he bents his back so his forehead is laying on the glassy surface now.

He feels a big hand calmingly stroke his back, he sits up and smacks it away.

“ DON’T TOUCH ME!”

His shaking so much he can’t get ahold of himself any longer.

His heart is aching, it hurts so bad.

“Do you have any clues on how much of a hell you made most of my life be?!”

She’s sitting on her knees in front him looking down on him with a concerned expression.

“For the most of my life i-i was told i was half of a quartz, but then i one day out of the blue find out that I wasn’t.... that almost everything i knew and got told was a lied, tha-that my hold existent was a big LIE!!”

He looks her straight in the eyes as he says it. 

“You’re a liar!”

All the pain.

He hangs his head down again, did she really have him so he could experience what she couldn’t or had he just been her way out of it all....”

He shakes his head slowly.

“Steven...please”

He turns his head away from her, his whole vision is shaking too now.

The old memories of him thinking she made him so she did have to face her mistakes, comes creeping into his mind.

Silence fills the suffocated air around him.

He feels a big finger gently push at his chine so he had to look at her again.

She’s giving him a small assuring smile.

He doesn’t smile back “most of my life i felt like i had to compare myself to you, always looking up at that high pedestal everyone had placed you on.”

He looks away briefly.

“H-how it made me feel like i had to be as good as you where, i-i thought for some time i was just you in your newest form without your memories.” 

He lets out a tired breath.

A depressing thought invades his mind, but he keeps it to himself.

He shakily wipes his eyes 

“Am-am I really seeing you right now?” his face changed to one of desperation he looks her straight in the eyes.

She looks at him calmly.

“What do you think?” her voice pierces him like the crystal had, for a brief moment he feels the unbearable pain he had felt from it ”am i real Steven?“ her voice is so relaxed, he narrowed his eyes feeling hopeless. 

Another sob escapes him, as he try’s breathing the air there wasn’t there.

More fresh tears comes falling down, “i-i don’t know anymore..” his voice cracks at the end.

He looks at the pink emptiness over her shoulders.

Maybe she was just an imagination of his inner feelings and pains, his inner thoughts that maybe he really is just his mom that erased her own memories, making her think shes not Rose quartz, that she isn’t his mom because he never was her son.

He wipes his eyes again with the back of his hand letting out quiet sniff.

He doesn’t want to be here anymore.

Pink lets go of his chine and sits up her eyes widen in shock and then shes gone with a poof, he looks back at where she had just been in shock.

“W-w-what”

He shakily stands up, almost falling over.

He wanted to go away not her, he looks around.

His still shaking, he hugs himself again.

He looks down at his feet.

Then he feels a hand on his shoulder he quickly spins around to see the pink version of himself.

He just stares at it, he doesn’t know what to do.

Its expression is as unemotional as it had been for two years ago.

His shocked expression changes to a scared one.

More tears goes down his face again.

Even when it goes in for a hug he doesn’t make a move to hug back, he flinched instead.

She’s playing with him, his sure of it.

He takes a shaky breath his other half hugs him tighter in response.

Before he could think of anything else a bright light fills his vision.

His heart still hurts.......  
—————————————————

This time he wakes up to birds singing nearby and the sound of running water, he lets out a low whine he feels cold and sore.

Then he moves a little, that confuses him as he didn’t make a move to do that, he feels water gently flow against the base of his neck, thats when he realized most of his body is underwater.

His so cold

“He made a sound his he waking up this time?”

“Amethyst please...”

Amethyst and Pearls voices can be heard around him.

“Sorry im just...”

Amethyst voice came from his left, and he think he hear Pearls voice from in front of him .

“We know, your not the only one..”

Garnet sounds closest to him as her voice come from above him.

Is she still holding him?

He moves his sore shoulders slightly to get in a better position, Garnets grip on him tightens in response.

“Steven?”

Without thinking he answers slowly opening his eyes.

“Y-yeah”

And before he knows it his being squished from all sides.

“STEVEN!”

The happy cries of his name makes his heart hurt.....again?

Then he realized, he made it, his alive.

“We where so worried about you!”

He feels a cold hand on each side of his cheeks.

He has a hard time focusing on anything, whats with his vision being blurry all the time today.

“W-what happened?”

He blinks to see better and his met with a orange yellowis sky, the sun is going down he opens his eyes all the way now more awake.

Had he been out almost the hold day?

He feel the others letting go of him and he looks around, and the hands disappearing too.

“Garnet got you to the fountain just in time” Pearl says in a relived tone he turns his head in her direction, she’s sitting beside Garnet on the step before the one Garnet is sitting with him on, they lead down into the fountains water, the water is going all the way up to around the lower part of her jacket her eyes where a little red, she had been crying.

“Yeah an you been out for a long time!” 

He looks over at Amethyst at her words, she’s sitting in front of Garnet her head is the only part of her thats not under water, her long hair is floating on the waters surface.

Stevens eyebrows shouts up when his mind finally realized what she had said, “wait h-how long was i out exactly?”

“Oh just thirteen hours is all” she said in a joking manner, she was clearly trying to lift the mood as she always does when she’s worried or nervous about a situation.

He opens his mouth to say something about it couldn’t be true and his dad and Connie would be worried sick had the gems kept them updated on his situation throughout his time asleep.

But nothing came out.

His face turns from a panicked one to blank, his heart still hurts but he couldn’t feel anything else, its like all his emotions got sucked down a drain

No panic, and no relief for being alive.

Nothing.

Only the pain in his heart and muscles remained.

And the gems seems to notice too.

“Steven?”

He lays a hand over his heart as a low wave of pain flows through it.

“Y-yeah?”

Pearl follows his hand in concern “how are you feeling?... does it still hurt?”

He looks down at his chest theres a hole in his lovely tshirt, theres dark red spots on his clothes where they had been soaked in his blood most of it had probably been washed away by the pink water.

He slowly pulls the tshirt up.

Theres a straight white line where the wound had been, just like when he saw it inside his gem, or maybe it had just been a weird uncomfortable dream.

He sucks a slowly breath of air in through his nose.

A few small pink lines is growing from the scare too making it look like his chest had cracked like a gem.

“Steven?”

He closes his eyes.

“No it doesn’t hurt anymore” he slowly sits up “my muscle hurts a little thats all”

He feels Garnet place her hand on his back to support him, the feeling of the cold gem in it makes his mind remember that it had been in water for hours and he begins to shiver uncontrollably his teeth begins to chatter like crazy the sound of it is loud enough for the others to hear, and Garnet could definitely feel him shaking.

“We should get you home and in something warm”

He looks up at Garnet “s-sound good t-to me” she gives him a assuring smile, he doesn’t smile back instead his heart begins to hurt even more.

He looks away.

He was gonna get of her lap to walk on his own, but he wasn’t fast enough and she stands up holding him closer and begins to walk towards the warp pad, Pearl walking by her right side and Amethyst on her left.

He feels so tired he goes limp, Garnet looks down at him, her arms relaxed when realized he hadn’t passed out.

He shortly feel Pearl run her hand through his hair in a relaxed and comfortable manner clearly trying to assure him that everything would be fine.

He closes his eyes, why can’t he relax?

His alive for heaven sake!

And why does his heart hurt so much?  
—————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the nice comments on the first chapter and all the love it really made my week!!!
> 
> And im happy what I wrote was so emotional for you all!
> 
> That’s what i was aiming for in the first place xD
> 
> Sadly i think this chapter wasn’t so emotional as the first was, but hey I can’t say that when ya haven’t even given me feedback yet :3
> 
> Have a nice day! 
> 
> Ill begin on the next chapter soon just need a little break is all x3
> 
> Bye bye !!!


	3. Art cover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Made a cover for the story.

https://hellnoimoutofhereakamerlin.tumblr.com/post/188023286367

My phone won’t let me link the picture itself, idk what its problem is right now, i have tried doing it before >:/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a specific song on loop in almost 3 hours xD


	4. Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes i may have overseen while fixing the writing <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof this was a hard one to write... hope someone likes it!

Steven is laying in bed as he stares up at the familiar ceiling of his room, they came back half a hour ago, and his in warmer clothes now, a soft blue t-shirt and red pajama leggings, he had been to sore to take a shower.

He lets out a tired sigh as he glanced over at the sliding door, its fully dark now and the stars are out and the light from the moon is the only light illuminating his room, there is a light on down stairs.

A quiet ping sound breaks the silence for a moment, he looks over at dresser the light from his phones screen reflects itself on to the wall above.

He looks back up at the ceiling letting out another sight, no one had been home when they came back, he should be worried....but his not.

He sits up with a low groan his muscles screaming at him for his actions, he can’t hear anything downstairs, no sign of the others.

They had been really quiet when they got home, Pearl left to her room when he had tried walking to the bathroom by himself and fell, she had clearly gone over her limits already from everything that had happened today.

Everyone’s mood is so different now.

Garnet helped him in bed and had stayed for a few minutes before excusing herself to her room.

The only gem that haven’t left for her room was Amethyst.

And just then the sound of a phone ringing could be hear from downstairs, he slowly moves so his sitting up against the pillow.

“Yo its Amethyst!”

Steven moves so his sitting more comfortable as he listens to the conversation, he leans his head against the wall behind him.

“Yo P hows it goi-” he could clearly hear the intense rambling on the other side of the phone, “hey-hey easy calm down I can’t understand what your saying P?!”

A minute passes by.

“Ya we got back for some time ago” the sound of someone shifting on the couch can be heard “yes his...fine....wait a second how’d you know about tha-“

He then hear Amethyst begins to walk back and forth as she silently listens to Peridot on the other side of the line.

“WAIT THE DIAMONDS WHERE HERE?!”

He jumps at the sudden loud voice, then the sound of the temple door opening and closing again can been heard shortly after.

Then silence.

Why had the diamonds come to earth, his eyes narrowed in confusion, are they still on earth?

He thinks as he moves his legs so his sitting on the edge of the bed now, another bing from his phone breaks him out of his trail of thoughts and he begins to move.

He takes a deep breath and then slowly begins to stand, he doesn’t get far before they begin to shake like crazy, he takes another unstable step towards the dresser, holding his arms out for better balance.

The gems wants him to relax but he uncomfortable thoughts keeps invading his mind so he really needed something to distract himself with right now.

*WEAK* a voice shouts in his mind, and thats what makes his left leg gives up on him and he begins to fall towards the dresser, he grips the edge of it just in time before he hits his head on its edge.

He lets out a painful groan as he slowly shakes his head.

He takes a slow breath then he lets himself slide the rest of the way down the dresser so his sitting with his back against it now, he extends his left arm and grabs his phone thats still on top of the it.

Its says he as over twenty plus messages in total for the last thirteen hours.

He clicks on the most recent one, its from Lars.  
—————————————————  
Lars: Steven i know something happened, you ALWAYS answers my texts when I write something, plz just answer any of us we’re all worried!  
Yeah surprise I’m worried now answer me!

————————————————————-

He scrolls back up to some older texts, they had began slow first about the explosion and how Lars thinks that the big doughnut just got wipes from existence, to how he saw his dad come back from the crater without him, how broken his dad had looked, thats must have been what made everyone realize something wasn’t right.

Steven gives a long sigh before he clicks out of Lars’s texts and clicks on another one.  
—————————————————  
Ronaldo: Yo Steven did you see the explosion it looked awesome!  
Im sooo gonna try to sneak down in the crater as soon as possible, wanna see if i can find anything mysterious/awesome for my blog!  
—————————————————  
Steven sucks in a sharp breath a vision of Ronaldo finding the blood piece of crystal makes him panic.  
—————————————————  
Steven: plz don’t go to the crater  
—————————————————  
He lays the phone to the side theres a lot more of texts but he begins to feel sick from them, he hugs his legs close to himself and lays his head on his arms burying his face.

Every time he thinks about anyone it begins to hurt.

What’s happening to him?

Then a dim flash of pink light illuminates his room.

He looks over at the sliding door again, it had come from outside.

Flash of his mothers face fills his vision completely.

He lets out a surprised gasp, he begins to shake uncontrollably, he lays his head back down trying to hid himself from the world.

Whats is happening to him?

The sound of the door downstairs getting pushed open can be heard.

Then the sound of the staircase creaking loudly indicating that someone was on their way up.

he takes a shaky breath and moves his head so he could see who it was.

But he stops when he feels that his arms are wet, he doesn’t make a sound as he sits up in surprise and wipes his hand across his cheek, then he looks down at his now wet hand why was he crying, why can’t he control anything his getting more and more scared.

Then he feels something warm gently touch his neck, he makes a small yelp of surprise, he raises a hand and feels the familiar softness of Lions mane.

He looks to his left “hey buddy...”

He sounds tired, he gets a low huff in return as the big cat moves over to the bed still staring at him.

Steven gives Lion a small smile.

His eyes widen shortly after as he gently lifts a hand to his lips, it felt weird to smile.

The sound of a low whine breaks him out of the thought, he looks at Lion again he clearly wants him to come over to the bed.

He begins to stand up slowly, taking and placing the phone back on the dresser, his legs are still weak as he feels them shaking again, gripping the edge of the dresser to stand all the way took to much energy that it should have.

He begins to take a few unstable steps towards the bed, but doesn’t get far before his legs both of them this time gives out under him.

He makes a gasp as his vision goes white for a second.

Lion catches him before he hits the floor, he feels lightheaded all of a sudden, he can’t feel the lower half of his body.

His grip on Lions mane is hardly holding him up.

“Thanks...” he mutters as he feel Lion begins to slowly lay down, Steven lays his head down on Lions shoulder the warmth radiating from the big cat making him relax.

And then they just lay there for a few minutes, the moonlight is shining right on them from outside, he begins to get some feeling back in his legs.

Lion begins to make a low purring sound it goes through him in a very comfortable way, he slowly closes his eyes, he doesn’t hear the front door open again.

His half asleep when he hears someone coming up the stairs.

He listens as the person pauses at the top of the stairs, Lion moves a little stopping his purring in the progress, the person slowly begins to walk closer.

Steven opens his eyes a little he can barely see anything than the pinkness of Lions fur, but he doesn’t want to move his head.

He feels a hand one his shoulder it begins to make calm strokes back and forth “Steven?”

He slowly turns his head in the direction of the voice, “...hey dad..” his voice sounds like it could break in two he slowly sits up so he isn’t laying down anymore, he moves to look at his dad.

But before he can do that his getting crushed in a one armed hug.

He pushes down the gasp that was gonna escape his throat.

All he can do is lean against his is now shaking father and listen as his dad takes shaky breaths clearly trying not to break down in front of his son.

“Do you have any idea how worried I have been?!”

Steven Slowly lifts his arms and hugs his dad closely, they just sit there on the floor in silence, Steven looks over his dads shoulder to see the moon sitting gently with the stars, reminding him of the sky he had seen the day before, a flash of his dad sitting beside him in the crater makes him shiver.

“Im sorry....”

Another wave of pain zaps through his heart making his grip around the other tighten, Lion makes a huff sound and jumps on top of the bed clearly not wanting anything to do with any of their human emotions right now.

He feels his dad taking a deep breath before gently pushing at Stevens shoulder so they could fully look at each other or what the moonlight would illuminate of them both, Steven can clearly see the tears running down his dads cheeks, and his still crying from before “im so sorry dad...” he then looks away minutes goes by.

*LOOK WHAT YOU DID!* he closes his eyes the shouts echo gave him a short wave of pain through his whole body.

He feels the hand move from his shoulder to his cheek gently pushing so he has to look at his dad.

He takes a shaky breath pain is flowing through his heart making him feel terrible about everything.

Why is can’t he do anything right, why is he so stupid!

*USELESS!*

The hand leaves his cheek.

“Steven?” 

The worried look on his dads face fully breaks him.

He lifts a hand over the right side of his face fully blocking his view on that side he digs his fingernails in his hair pulling it.

He begins to sob quietly he bents his head down placing his other hand on the left side of his face.

“hey ssh, its okay its oka-!“ 

His loud gasp for air interrupts his dad he can’t stop himself as he lets out another sob this time louder, pain exploding from his heart, he wants it to stop, the sound of Lion jumping of the bed makes him flinch, seconds after he feels lions head rubbing against his shoulder he grips at Lions mane in response with both hands.

A hand gets placed on his back as he lets it all out, even after what feels like an hour it still hurts as much as before.

Its first when he realized that the morning sun is shining through the glass and on to them he finally try’s collect himself even tho he had lot more to let out.

His plagued his father long enough with his stupid crying.....

He takes a deep breath of air and holds it trying to stop himself from sobbing anymore he wipes his eyes by burying his face completely in Lions mane, his dad is slowly stroking his back in a comfortable manner.

A few seconds goes by he takes another shaky breath as he sits up to face his dad, he feels the hand return to his cheek he makes eye contact with his father, he looks back at him with a concerned expression he wipes a single escaped tear away with his thumb.

He feels sick from the expression.

His dad gives a flinch and moves his and of his cheek to his other arm.

Steven finally realized that his dad is only using one arm, he breaks their eye contact as he looks over at the arm in question “...your....arm....” they are now both looking at the dark grey arm hanging lifeless at Gregs side.

Another wave of pain in his heart makes him look away, he doesn’t have the energy to help heal it.

*YOUR FAULT*

A shiver goes down his spine from the truth in the words from the disapproving voice in his head, he takes a deep breath before looking over at the shelving build in the wall over his bed his eyes lands on a pink bottle, he moves his hands on top of the bed slowly standing up and walks over on shaking legs.

Lion makes a disapproving sound from his action.

He crawls up on the bed for the rest of the way, and then extends his arm when his close enough and grabs the bottle before sitting back down, as he sits up he can feel the bed bent down indicating that his dad had sat down beside him.

“Here this should...help with...your arm..” he offers the bottle to him.

Greg takes it and looks at it with curiosity “whats in it?” Steven takes a second to respond “its water from the fountain” intentionally forgetting to mention that its Roses own tears.

Greg opens the bottle it makes a pop sound, he then drips some of the liquid on top of his shoulder so it begins to run down the rest of his arm making it begin to glow pink as the tears slowly begins to heal it.

His dad eyes lands on his chest, his worried expression returns making Steven look away in shame “how’s the...wound” he gives his dad a glance making they lock eyes again 

“does it still...hurt?”

Steven looks down.

A seconds goes by, everything hurts.

He looks up at his dad with a fake smile “it doesn’t hurt”

Another way of pain explodes in his heart, he holds the smile firmly  
“Never felt better.....”

—————————————————

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof sorry if any of you wanted more to happen but I really needed to get this scene in practically done so Gregs part of the story doesn’t sound like he didn’t care about what happened xD don’t worry, you’ll all learn what happened to Connie and Spinel in the next chapter!!!


	5. Note

Heeey!

So yeah...I haven’t been updating in a while eh?

Sorry but life got a little tough, no not in a depressed way.

But i wanna try writing again!

But i wanna begin small like one or twoshots stories!

So im writing this here because this while be the end of this story...for now

:Fun fact!! This story was never actually going to be as long as it got, but you peps liked it so much I couldn’t stop !!!

So thank you for reading my story and liking it! :

But back to what im talking about i want you guys to give be ideas to a Steven universe story (angst/hurt/etc.) im mostly best at writing from Stevens perspective as thats how the show is doing too, but it never hurts to try other characters.

Oh! And I don’t mind writing wholesome stories either, oh dear now my brain is going aahh!!!

Uh Bismuth, Jasper, Lapis, the diamonds!!! Nuu bad brain ! Let the amazing people ask what they want! 

Hehe sorry im not normal, but then again what is normal? 

Whelp i better stop writing i said what i want to say.

Bye I can’t wait to see what you guys want !! 

Ill begin by making a new book!! Check my profile to find it there, unless you faster than me and it isn’t ip yet -.- 

Byebyebye!!

**Author's Note:**

> So i got cold feet on my other story.
> 
> So I spent days and love on this one! :D
> 
> Idk if anyone wants more of this story but im already halfway done with part 2 :3


End file.
